First Kiss
by patsan
Summary: "He lost track of the time in their kiss. A moment before he'd been aware of the clock ticking away on the mantle, of the shadows of the night peeking from outside the window, but all had ceased to exist the moment Mary's gaze had met his unashamed, half a smile curving her lips, her eyes warm and welcoming." Expanded 1x06 kiss scene.


Happy Sunday, my lovely readers :)

Some time ago I promised a second S1 missing moment after "The Flower Show", and here I am today to honour that promise.

This was written in response to a Tumblr prompt by the lovely **groveyswife**, who wondered _"... what happened in between the first kiss and Mary going upstairs to tell Cora that Matthew asked her to marry him" _in 1x06.

This is my take on it.

Enjoy!

.

* * *

.

**First Kiss**

.

.

He lost track of the time in their kiss.

A moment before he'd been aware of the clock ticking away on the mantle, of the shadows of the night peeking from outside the window, of the light steps of some footman walking just outside the door.

But all had ceased to exist the moment Mary's gaze had met his unashamed, half a smile curving her lips, her eyes warm and welcoming.

He'd been unable to resist the pull.

Against his better judgments his eyes had dropped to her mouth, and when he'd lifted them again, he'd seen it, the invitation, the… the longing, that same longing he knew was in his eyes every time he looked at her.

He'd seen her inch a bit closer, and he had not stopped enough to think, to wonder.

He'd met her eagerly halfway instead, their mouths pressing against each other as the space between them seemed to vanish.

That space seemed even smaller now as he felt the tip of her fingers play with the hair on his neck, caressing his jaw and ear lightly, tenderly.

He leaned in closer, one of his hand sneaking around her waist.

He had no clue about what he was doing, but he needed her as close as possible, and he wanted her to feel the same pull he did.

His hand pressed against her spine, pulling her to him till she gasped in surprise, but she did not break their kiss.

She grasped the lapel of his jacket with one hand and brought him closer, till he was sitting on the verge of his chair but he could be sitting on a scratching rock for all he cared.

His other hand wound around her waist, feeling the warmth of her skin through her thin evening dress.

He dug his fingers into her flesh, heard her breath heavily against his mouth, took advantage of that to taste her for the first time and a bolt of pleasure shot through his veins.

_God._

She was everything he couldn't stop himself to dream about.

She was more than that.

She was real, she was warm.

She was... magnificent in his arms.

She was…

She was answering in kind, pulling and kissing, tasting him with the same passion that made him shake, the pulse of his own blood resonating in his ears.

Minutes passed, or maybe it was a hour. Two hours possibly, or a day, a week, a whole life.

A whole life.

That's when he realized with a clarity he'd never had before.

_This._

This was what he wanted.

This was what he craved.

This.

_Her._

For the rest of his life.

They broke apart, the need for air too much to bear, but Matthew didn't let go, for how could he, when he now knew so perfectly well what he wanted?

So he moved his lips along the curve of her jaw line, he kissed her ear, then her cheek, his hand sliding up to cradle her face in his palm.

"Mary…" he breathed.

_I want you. I want to love you. I want to love all of you._

He did not speak these words.

He closed his eyes, squeezing them shut for some moment, trying to compose himself, and when he opened them again, he smiled at her.

Mary smiled back, that open, beautiful smile he'd come to cherish and yet still saw so little of.

He would make it his mission to have that smile grace her features as often as possible.

"Darling," he whispered, and the pleased expression on her face as he spoke the endearment made him smile.

She lowered her eyes for a moment, before lifting her gaze on him again.

"Matthew," she said softly, and he leaned over to kiss her again, just one more time, till thoughts of propriety came back, for anyone could enter the room any time, one of the footmen, for whatever reason, or Mr. Carson.

He shook a little at the thought of the butler finding him in such a compromising position with Mary.

No, he had to do things properly.

He pulled back then, regretting leaving her immensely, and stood up.

He offered his hand to her, and she took it as she too got up from the chair. She watched down at their joined hands, a small smile lingering on her lips.

"Do you want me to send for the car?" she asked softly.

"Mary," he called, and smiled at her when she looked up. "Mary," he repeated, as his other hand reached for her cheek.

He didn't mind the butler, he decided, or Cousin Robert's thunderous voice for that matter.

He stepped in closer and kissed her again, although briefly, staying close to her, closer than propriety would allow, but they were alone, and he loved her, and she…

"Will you marry me, darling?" Matthew asked, and he was pleased to see the look of surprise last only a second before a warm smile spread on her face.

"You really aren't very fastidious about doing things properly, are you?" she replied with a tilt of her head. "Don't you need to kneel down and all that?"

He smirked back.

"I will lie down or ask you while I jump up and down on one foot if that meant you would say "yes"," he said, only half jokingly.

She laughed softly at his words, and he was just thinking about going down on one knee for real, when he noticed a little frown creasing her brow.

He lifted her face to his, worried.

"Mary?" he asked.

But she didn't let him finish. She pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth, lingering there for a beat before pulling back.

"I need some time, Matthew," she said softly.

He swallowed, trying not to let the hot sting of disappointment burn him, and looked down, but Mary's hand was on his cheek, and he had to look at her again.

Her fingers traced the outline of his upper lip.

"I'm not saying "no"," she clarified, "but I need time to… to consider things. It is a huge step to take. Can you understand this? Can you give me some time?"

Of course he understood.

It was a huge decision for both of them, one that would change their lives forever.

"Yes," he said, "yes, I can give you time." He paused, unsure about saying something more. "I-" he started, but then couldn't go on.

"What?" she asked.

And he looked at her, took in everything she was, considered everything she was to him, everything she could be to him.

"I love you," he said simply. "I'll wait, but please consider this too while you decide."

She smiled, but didn't say anything, only her eyes were shiner than they were before, and when she pressed a kiss to his cheek he could feel her tremble.

He hugged her, arms sliding protectively around her thin form as she hid her face in his neck.

They stayed like this for some time, and she was the one pulling back at last.

I'll ring for Carson," she said, and she walked a few steps to pull the rope. "Do you want him to call for the car?" she asked coming back.

"No, I'll walk. I think Branson had his share of troubles for the day."

She smiled, and Matthew took her hands in his, squeezing them once before letting go.

They exited together in the Great Hall.

"I'll see you soon then?" she asked.

"Yes," he said, just as the butler came in.

"Mr. Crawley is ready to go, Carson. Could you please bring him his things?"

"Certainly, m'lady," the man said, moving to retrieve Matthew's things.

Mary waited with him while Carson came back, and Matthew had to keep himself from reaching out for her in such a public place of the house.

"Goodnight then," he said after he'd worn his coat, the butler standing a few feet away from where he and Mary stood. "Mr. Carson."

The butler curtsied, but Matthew had only eyes for Mary's smile.

"Goodnight, Matthew," she said softly, and maybe it was his imagination, but there was something different in the way she said his name, and his smile grew wider.

He finally walked away and out of the house, slowly leaving the imposing bulk of Downton Abbey behind.

He turned to look at it once he was at some distance.

He imagined her being in one of these rooms, and for just a moment he let himself imagine what his life could be if she said "yes".

A wedding breakfast here at Downton.

Coming for dinner as husband and wife.

Waking up in her arms.

And then somewhere down the road… children.

He smiled, nodding to himself, and resumed walking home with a new spring in his step.

.

**The End**

.

* * *

.

_Sigh, they were so young back them, weren't they? My baby darlings... _

_Well, I hope you enjoyed this little trip down memory lane as I did. As usual, I'd be thrilled to hear your thoughts on this little story._

_Till next time :)_


End file.
